Scribbled Commentary

    So much has happened in the last two weeks that I hardly know where to begin. I ought to be writing up my personal tribute to Elv's mother, who passed away ten days ago with us beside her. I will eventually collect my thoughts about her and who she always was to me and things I learned from her. But that needs to be more special than will be this posting.
    This will be slightly scattered and unplanned, because that's life right now.
    To begin with, Spring as we like to know it, has been dilly-dallying about showing up. There is too much snow to melt and it's been too cold. I suppose there are actually weather patterns that happen in the regular scheme of Wisconsin weather phenomena to explain it; but the plain truth is that we are ready for spring.
     We are ready to clean up this messy acre.  We have tree trash galore from cutting down some unwanted trees that the snow covered up before we were done last fall. And the back lots are extra messy with recycle-able things.  Stuff all over this place to clean up and pick up. Lawn issues that only more seed and fertilizer can heal. Things to dig up. A pile of brush to burn...
    Our priorities are all in place through no effort on our part. You just can't clean up the lawn until the snow goes away. "I can repair the tiller though, right now!"  is Elv's muse. And we can do the sewing. Amy and I will do that, though.
    I said this will be unplanned because that is how life feels right now. But really, none of these things are a surprise to God, the One Who has it all in His hands anyway. I'm banking on that these days. It's the only way to stay sane.
     This week the main interruption has been a new ten inches of snow.  Unless you count the hurried trip mid-week down to Lewi's to pick up some more wood for counter top for Amy's tiny house kitchen.  On our way home late that night, I read Life in the Shoe aloud to Elv and I. It kept us awake and talking for most of the way home. Laughing and crying, too. The crying was just me. I'm still thinking about teeth and being poor and I'm protesting, down in my heart, but not coming up with a satisfactory refutation. 
    Tim and Amy's house is another project that is getting done now while they can. Painting, cleaning, finishing, planning, and generally feeling hurried. It will be a lovely home for two.
    Francis has been here all week and what a mercy! She helped Amy at her house, and me at my house, while life flew along each day ever closer to that wedding in May.  Besides, there were the coffee times. Whatever will I do with no girls here at home to talk, laugh, cry, and fight with! I'm so blessed.
      I learned last week that the writers in the family who have elderly about to pass on, should take a little time and effort and write up a nice obituary for their loved one, even before they are gone.  I cannot believe that I did not even once think of it. I certainly could have prepared a rough draft that had all the right things in there and the wrong things outta there. A thoughtful piece that didn't miss anyone important. (Mom's did not miss anyone, but it has happened, I know.) And has the right bits of history and lore and memories thoughtfully prepared and prayed over. It felt a little heartless to me for the undertaker to be responsible for that piece of Mom's life/death. Didn't he have enough to do? We are profoundly grateful to him. He was kind and said he was praying for us as a family and everything. But honestly, that was one thing I could have done for Mom at the end and I didn't think of it until we were out of time.

Spring Will Come

We have a spring tablescape to cheer us while we wait for the snow to melt.
Kristine and Gwen brought these tulips Saturday evening as a gift to me "for the table" knowing how much I enjoy flowers. Thanks girls,I love you, too.

Influenza B is making its rounds in our family. 2018 will long be remembered as the spring we had the flu.
So, fresh flowers and clean spaces are at a premium these days.
Eventually there'll be scribblings about Elv's mother's passing and a tribute or two accordingly. For now this short post must do.

Hope

   Since Easter is quite early this year and we will likely still have snow on the ground when we celebrate; I am offering to you a word to help keep in mind that spring will come.
   The sequence of events being a bit mixed up this year should give us a great opportunity to understand the importance of  having hope in our hearts regardless. So here's to creating beauty with spring colors in my heart and in our home while we wait for the snow to melt. Hope, the knowing kind, while we have more snow and lots of mud, will get us through to spring. Mud is just part of the story that must be.
  Hope is also the flame that feeds the glow of our souls and faces. One Sunday morning Elv and I had a snafu between us that we were obliged to fix on the way to church. I was half sick and he was frustrated. I don't remember what was the issue. I know it was quite trivial and harmless but it made us sad. I always feel hopeless with myself and my slow growing maturity when this happens. It's so frustrating and disheartening. Anyway, I walked into the sanctuary wearing the best plastic smile I could muster and sat down. What a terrible way to go worship time, right? But it helps. It helps to just go in there and settle in to the singing and scripture reading. There I found hope and healing which is exactly as it should be. I wish I could remember which songs we sang that day. I know they were the old hymns, rich with meaning and glorious hope.
     I think that when someone is wearing an unlit face; they have been robbed of hope in some way. And you can't just make up the inner glow. I can't anyway. I wish there was a way to "snap out of it" as my own dear husband used to recommend, half in jest, half in frustration when sadness was overtaking me at times.
Time, prayer, kind words from people and scripture each have their place in relighting the candle in me. I distinctly remember the place on the road where we were driving on an errand one day when one short sentence that Elv said took me from flat and and lonely and cold inside to lit and content. Just a few words at the right time. Even though it was wonderful to be fine again, I get a little frustrated with the lack of control over my own candle.

   Abide with me: fast falls the eventide;
the darkness deepens; Lord, with me abide.
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me. 


   Swift to its close ebbs out life's little day;
earth's joys grow dim, its glories pass away.
Change and decay in all around I see.
O Lord who changes not, abide with me. 


   I need your presence every passing hour.
What but your grace can foil the tempter's power?
Who like yourself my guide and strength can be?
Through cloud and sunshine, O abide with me. 


   I fear no foe with you at hand to bless,
though ills have weight, and tears their bitterness.
Where is death's sting? Where, grave, your victory?
I triumph still, if you abide with me. 


   Hold thou thy cross before my closing eyes.
                                                           Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies.
                                                           Heaven's morning breaks and earth's vain shadows flee;
                                                           in life, in death, O Lord, abide with me.

What do you do when your candle needs lighting? Please share. Creating, cleaning, and quiet time help me a lot, but nothing like kindness from people. Am I the only one?

What I Learned While Having The Flu

~ I learned that health is a gift. And I intend to be more grateful again for how great it is to feel well and energetic and strong. There is no way I can trump up strength and wellness. Talk about trusting God to help me to fight the bug and restore wellness. That was all I could do besides resting and taking lots of vitamins and even some painkillers.
~ I learned that flu has a beginning that is quite distinctive. Now I know what was that terrible tickle in my burning throat. And the dry cough. That's the beginning of a whole list of odd things that keep one's mind busily engaged in noticing how awful you feel. They say flu has an ending. But, I noticed that the ending is much more nebulous and lingering. Unfortunately. "Does it really ever end?" is the doubt that plays on the morbid imagination of the weakened mind and body. Which brings me to the next truth I learned about flu.
~ Flu causes narcissism and hypochondria. It's bad. First you worry that you might die. Then you hope you will. And then you are frustrated that you don't. Lots of me-ism and wondering how that ghastly reflection in the mirror can really be you, goes on. Sick mind from a sick body. One must just get a grip and figure out how live on, somehow. Yeah, I am exaggerating to make my point.
~ I learned that the only true friend you can depend on during flu is your family members who are just as sick as you are. Even that proved to be tricky after Amy lost her voice and I lost my hearing at the same time. She was so sick and tried to ask for something and I totally missed it. She cried and I felt terrible.  Not even the well family members want to see you or spend time with you. Flu is lonely. In a good way. The best way to not spread the flu is to keep it at home and all people out. Unless you've had the flu shot and you think you're invincible because you happen to be the boyfriend coming to visit. 
~ Staring off into space is okay. Especially if it is grateful space. Keep it that way and you're good.

~ Being quarantined at home is a great time to shine up the home spaces. After looking at the winter's collection of dust while you couldn't move and visualizing the flu germs floating and landing everywhere, getting my hands into a bucket of warm, soapy, scrubbing water did wonders.
~ Information about anything from how to clean a messy room or learning weird historical facts about hermits living in Siberia can be found on U tube. Apparently there is no end to knowledge. Some of it is interesting and useful. All of it was ultimately boring. Not nearly as satisfying as my own bucket and rag.

~ I learned I had time to memorize verses by hand lettering with pencil colors. And it is not childish after all... It is meaningful and helpful and inspiring. My work is still not that great, but I'm glad I had this opportunity to try it.
~ I discovered that sewing quilt blocks into a quilt top fills up a lot of boring time and requires creativity. I learned that I could be productive and make something useful and beautiful without any physical effort. It is a great way to rest and recuperate. I now understand my grandmothers who were crippled with arthritis. I think they must have felt huge satisfaction with their accomplishments. I still have blankets from them and they are treasures. The one I made is rather more along the lines of useful than pretty or treasured, probably, but I definitely feel the same satisfaction.

~Finally, I learned that we have so much to be thankful for here in our little old cottage in the woods. All those u tubes about tiny houses and off grid living, even the castle tours of rich folks in Europe gave me this solid gratefulness for our own way of living. There are lots of perfectly legitimate ways to live but home is always best.
 I am excited about continuing our de-cluttering and organizing efforts, next in the kitchen. Besides after seeing how others do it; I'm looking forward to working on a food budget around here, as well. So take that ye ole flu bug, I'm choosing to feel rejuvenated in body and renewed in mind. Spring is on the way.