Spring is officially here even though there is no green outside yet to prove it. The lawn appears at this point to be dead. The only evidence of life are the little daffodil spears showing through the ground. It's enough to comfort my longings for green.
It's been harder this spring, to believe, for me. Winter was ho-hum: no blizzards, not even a snow storm, no snow days, not much snow to speak of, no drifts. I felt robbed of my much loved weather drama. Yeah, just sort of flat.
I'm weary in my soul about other things, too. I could use some Easter celebration inside. Been wandering around in the tomb of despair off and on for a few months. I've had a few expectations go unmet and I'm resentful of that. People are so ... people like, I guess.
This week the girls helped me get this project of painting the knotty pine bathroom walls. It was a major transformation project. I had budget Grab N Go paint and an old brush. In the world of paint prowess this is probably one of the worst scenarios you can have along with a water based sealer on the knotty pine in the first place that was more intact that I initially had thought. I decided against sanding it first, as well. Bad idea. Well, actually, I tried a white stain first, which was a fiasco! The Grab N Go was better if that tells you anything. And I had a roller to keep it level. Sort of.
We began to paint slowly, carefully, coat number one. If you've never tried to paint varnished T and G knotty pine, you are very smart. But I had plenty of grit and determination, so we kept on. The first coat looked pretty terrible. The paint dried very quickly and smeared if you got it too thick. It was just a mess!
Coat number two went on with a roller and the old brush, too. Coaxing and cajoling paint is quite an act. Just about as bad as coaxing and cajoling messy people. But I was determined to transform this small, dirty bathroom into a pretty, trendy one.
I let it dry overnight. I had to switch to a new roller cover because yesterday's wouldn't thaw. Seems like the freezer dried it out which was exactly what it was supposed to prevent. It's weird paint. Budget friendly, too, don't forget that. So new roller, lots of vision, and a goal and I was off to the races again. I figured out that if I painted quickly with as few strokes as possible that it covered more evenly. I had to work quickly and steadily. No doubling back allowed, so I had to be sure about the drips immediately. Going back was too tricky. I could with the roller if I didn't wait too long.
This and other events got me to thinking about transformation or change in us grown-ups. Am I as difficult to transform as was my knotty pine bathroom? How many of you in my world are politely not telling me where I need to change because I'm varnished and satisfied with my own way of relating? Are you throwing your hands up and saying, "She has always been that way, why try telling her?"
Shouldn't we be ready and willing to make changes in our lives to be kinder and less difficult to live with? Shouldn't we WANT to change? Shouldn't we be willing to admit that we are wrong? I believe that age or position should not allow us to take exception.
Jesus said that we could change by the same power that raised Him. The Resurrection power is ours. We must get over ourselves and our prideful self-righteousness and entertain the fact that we NEED to change. It won't hurt us to exert a little effort and learn to speak less ... or more as the case may be. Or practice more self discipline or relax and stop fretting.
As far as expectations go, I'd say that the bathroom has exceeded those for me. It is really nice. I got over my expectations during the difficulty of getting it painted. So I'm hopeful that by laying aside those pet expectations in my relationships, I will enjoy as lovely a result, eventually, as my new bathroom. I suppose it depends on how much resurrection change I am willing to undergo myself.