Just like that, it has hit again, a crushing weight that hardly allows me to breathe. We sailed along busy enough to keep from thinking about it all week. But tonight, alone, I can't escape the waves. Nights like tonight, I think I cannot do this one more week...I won't. I'll simply make a few phone calls and end it.
Was this our fifth or sixth week? Are we over half done? Yes, maybe only four weeks left of this frantic effort to keep up with the work here at home and spend the quota of hours of our week in the woods, just the two of us. Plunging on in our work to not have time to think. The projects melt away done and over too quickly.
What I miss most tonight is having everyone gathering in the living room to discuss everything. We solve the world's problems together here, just by talking about them. We count accomplishment. We tell the funny stories of the day, laughing at ourselves and others without malice. We read scripture and discuss it and get totally off the subject on a labyrinth of rabbit trails. We pray together, and plan tomorrow and next week or next year.
I promise us that when everyone who belongs here gets home again, we are going to do EVERYTHING together. I vow, we will not let them out of our sight for this long again, ever! You might say that I indulge in a veritable wallow of self pity and lonesomeness. But then we buck up by morning and push down the whimpers and SMILE and get back to work. And I know that if we would "wimp out" now, four short weeks from the finish line, I'd never forgive myself.
Besides, it is just me. The children are enjoying their summer in Nebraska. And I am happy for them!